This Is The Kingdom Of The Sick

Or: IYKYK*

This is sort of what I imagine the kingdom of the sick to look like. Photo by Gonzalo Facello on Unsplash

“Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place.”

-Susan Sontag, The New York Review of Books

During the pandemic, my mom had hip-replacement surgery and was diagnosed with sarcoma: a rare, fast-moving cancer.

During the pandemic, I used my passport to enter the kingdom of the sick.

During the pandemic, I became a millennial caregiver.

As a thirty-something, I did not expect to consider the mortality of my mom. I did not want to think about death and dying, about radiation and cancer and immunotherapy and chemotherapy. I did not want to watch someone I love and care about in pain.

Unlike many of my peers thinking about corporate ladders and home ownership, dating stories and contemplating children, traveling for fun and traveling for work, I thought about other things. Things like living wills and DNRs. Things like palliative care and hospice. Things like what it feels like to help my mom while still trying to figure out my own life.

While I helped my mom learn how to walk again and accompany her to doctor’s appointments and radiation appointments, picking up groceries and various medications, I evaluated and reevaluated every aspect of my life.

To be honest, during this time, I’ve never felt more alone in my life. (And I’ve literally traveled solo to countries where I didn’t speak the language and didn’t know anyone.)

Even though there are millions of unpaid caregivers in the U.S. (upwards of 40 million people according to AARP), 10 million of those caregivers are unpaid millennial caregivers.

Ten. Million. Unpaid. Millennial. Caregivers.

That is an astronomical number.

I’ve felt so alone these past two years, and yet…I wasn’t alone at all.

I created “Millennial Caregivers” because I couldn’t find a place out there for people like me who identify as (unpaid) millennial caregivers. “Millennial Caregivers” focuses on my present experience as a millennial caregiver for my mom, and will have resources for people who identify as millennial caregivers.

If you are in a similar situation as a millennial caregiver, please know that you are not alone.

I’m here for you.

With love,

Madeline

*IYKYK = If You Know, You Know. Seemed appropriate for the subject matter.